The Root Cause of Toxic Masculinity and Patriarchy
There is a simple - yet profound truth - that men have forgotten (or never even knew). And that is:
Masculinity is Your DEFAULT State (and How Social Conditioning Has Caused You to Forget That)
You may be wondering, if the TRUE MASCULINE is our natural way of being, then how can most of the male population be at the emasculated level?
The ultimate lesson of this is that your masculinity (and the results you seek in business, love and life) emanate most smoothly and effectively from a place of BEING first, not doing first.
Socially conditioned men attempt to DO in order to BE.
This CAN lead to results, through hustle and grind and not enjoying the process.
But let’s look deeper at the costs of doing and having in an attempt to BE (feel) the way you desire…
When you were born you lived in your natural alignment at all times. My baby boy is 16 months and is a living embodiment of positive and assertive action. At all times!
You have natural self-esteem because you don’t perceive any threat to it.
But then as you grow through childhood and adolescence, you are ‘given’ beliefs to adopt by your society.
You are disciplined to think with limitation.
To act within boundaries. You are punished, and threatened with outcast if you think and act beyond these imposed boundaries.
You are boxed and stifled by the world.
And for most people, their parents, media, friends, teachers, religions and other authority figures are also conditioned, and reinforce the false beliefs they’ve unknowingly adopted.
At the age of around 18 – 20, most people attain more freedom in decision making and how they live their life. At this time, a tiny percentage of that population may seek alternative guidance and embrace a more spiritual path to discover who they really are.
This urge comes because your soul knows that the way you’ve lived is un-natural, and almost forced upon you.
However, only a tiny percentage that feel strong enough to express that urge, and also have the persistence to continue seeking against the opinions and judgements of the people they’ve held closest to them all these years.
After all, seeking guidance or new information out of the mainstream can feel threatening to your parents and teachers who “helped you this far”.
They’ll react to your decision by threatening to withdraw their love of you, which they know you’ve depended on for so long.
Because now you are threatening THEIR sense of identity and purpose.
How does this conditioning lead to men becoming emasculated?
When you are conditioned to suppress natural desires, to conform with other people’s pre-defined beliefs and rules, the True Masculine in you is eventually suppressed.
Its buried under layers and layers of social conditioning, adopted beliefs, rules and conformities of which you’ve never truly questioned.
When this occurs, man begins to derive his identify from external sources.
His identity is formed, protected by, and reactive to, external sources such as:
- People’s opinions (and keeping them in good order)
- Putting others’ needs before their own, to a self-sacrificing level
- External, material objects – money, cars, and houses
- External verifications of ‘social status’ – money, cars (again) and also titles, and relationships (with women, ‘influencers’ or superiors).
When a man derives his identity from external sources, this fuels the EGO.
The ego is the part of your mind that tells you that you’re separate from everyone and everything else. That you are alone, and not connected to a unifying source of power that we are all born from.
The ego does this to heighten your survival instincts and do what you think you must to protect yourself.
The ego feels safe when validated by external indicators of financial certainty, status, or sexual significance.
When you’re run by the ego, and away from your natural Way of Being , then you live in a constant state of threat.
Threat = fear, doubt, shame and guilt. All of these emotions are centred around loss or judgement.
The threat to the ego is that that you will not attain, or will lose, your external sources of validation, and as such lose your identity.
When you’re run by the ego, you are more concerned with maintaining your status in other’s perception, and pleasing other people. Supplicating them to withhold status.
When out of your natural Way of Being and run by ego, you’ll allow yourself to be triggered by people, circumstances and thoughts that don’t agree the identity you’re trying to protect.
You’ll be reactive. You’ll blame. You’ll criticize.
You will continue to abstain from responsibility (the ability to respond).
To be responsible is to be conscious, present.
To be reactive is to be unconscious, mis-aligned, disconnected from your True Masculinity.
Ask yourself… in which areas of life are you more ‘triggered’ and reactive? These are the areas of life that you believe most threaten your ego’s identity and worth.
The emasculated man attempts to identify with other things, to fill the gap of not being connected and aligned with his natural Way of Being.
They may identify as being ‘a hippy’, an ‘activist’, a ‘hustler’, an astronaut, or even a ‘Manchester United supporter”.
Many men identify with sports teams, with political viewpoints or genres of music as a collective.
Then, the typical man will drain all his energy on maintaining his status and esteem in these collectives.
Look at the pattern here: These man are attempting to HAVE, or to DO something so that they can FEEL worth, aligned, or ‘happy’.
And often, they may achieve a fleeting period of happiness and safety by achieving such things.
Your football team wins the cup – you feel happy, connected!
Your political party wins the election – you feel righteous.
You finally buy that dream sports car, or the flashy watch – you feel proud and important.
The woman you pestered for ages finally sleeps with you – you feel validated that you’re ‘enough’ of a man to deserve your existence in society.
Good for you.
But then, what happens?
The moment passes.
The happiness fades.
After a month, you feel exactly the same as before you ‘achieved’ that status.
Riding the sports car didn’t make you feel like a million-bucks for long.
You’ve slept with over 50 women yet always need to seek the next one (and are still afraid of intimacy, as that could unveil and therefore threaten your identity…)
You earn $100,000 in a year, but you still don’t feel ‘rich’.
So you repeat the process, looking for another external fix. Failing to see that the outcome will be exactly the same.
Whether you sleep with 50 women or 1000 women, your ego will not be satisfied.
Whether you earn $100k or $10 million this year, the ego will not feel its ‘enough’.
The emasculated and False Masculine men are repeatedly trying to fill a gap with external sources, which can ONLY be filled with internal alignment.
But then, it can get worse.
In fact, the more external things you ‘achieve’ and the more status you gain from the mis-aligned state…
The harder you crash when the objects, people and status are removed from your life.
I call this,
“The False-Confidence Effect”
It is the defining feature of a False Masculine man.
(It’s also present in many extremely attractive, yet insecure women who’ve followed similar patterns).
We all know celebrities and successful people who looked like they “had it all” come crashing down, or even commit suicide.
Chester Bennington. Robin Williams. Britney Spears.
The list goes on.
These people attained their sense of identity from external sources, and therefore required external validation to maintain it.
When things are going well, and they are loved, it’s a wonderful rush.
But when things don’t go so well, and they receive negative feedback, their reality collapses.
To recapture their reality, they’ll become extreme victims. Or they turn to drugs & other addictions.
If they cannot recapture a sense of reality in that, they may turn to the only other alternative: to remove themselves from this reality altogether.
As you can see, this is a spiral that has dire consequences. And it's all derived from your misalignment as a man. From failing to stay congruent with your thoughts, words and actions.
This is why the most critical thing I want you to know is that your True Masculine identity is your DEFAULT.
It is not outside of you.
You cannot create it. You may only re-discover it.
You cannot lose it. You may only forget it.
You cannot learn it. You may only remember it.
That is why these words ring true to you.
That’s why my words make you feel empowered and strong – because its tapping into an energy that you KNOW is there, and has been dormant for too long.
You know what I’m saying is true, and you knew this before you read these words.
But perhaps now you’re becoming aware of the verbalisation and articulation of it. You’re becoming SELF-AWARE of how far you’ve come from your true source.
This is why I have nothing to teach you.
I am only reminding you of truths you’ve always felt but couldn’t articulate.
Feelings you felt but couldn’t communicate or express.
You are a man.
Your natural Way of Being is always there, patiently waiting.
You can access it anytime, anywhere.
It doesn’t cost money. It doesn’t require anything material of you.
So to say you want to “learn to be a man” is to deny you’re a man in the first place.
To say you’re here to “learn the secrets of masculinity” is to suggest you don’t know what they are (and have never known, which is false).
When you continue to ignore that your real self is the True Masculine, you’ll continue to seek an identity from other sources. Your reality will be forced onto you. Someone else will define it for you.
However, when you begin to reclaim and re-discover your True Masculine state you’ll tap into an everlasting source of fulfilment, inner peace, and confidence, accessible to you at any time.
You’ll derive confidence from within.
Your True Masculine power fuels you to achieve, to build, to protect and provide.
You’ll derive status and significance within. You’ll call this ‘Purpose’ and and ‘intention’. You’ll know you are already worthy, and you are now building in order to SHARE your worth, (not to earn it).
You’ll naturally lead women, and other people in your life. Because you know your True Masculine power has the answers. But unlike the False Masculine, whose insecurity is felt by others, they will admire your courage and enjoy following you.
You’ll make women feel SAFE around you. Just be being aligned and present. Women will feel your energy even before you approach.
The words you use won’t matter. But you’ll choose empowering, positive words because that’s who you are.
You’ll progress your career or build a business not to chase status and certainty… but because you ARE valuable and certain in yourself.
You’ll be a man of action and achievement, not to ‘prove’ the haters wrong… but to provide for the people you love.
Because you can.
Because it's naturally Who You Are.
You are a man.
I’ve mentioned, several times, your “Core Way of Being”.
But you may be wondering, what does that actually look like?
What does it feel like?
In practical terms?
This is the solution I mentioned on the previous page.
Now that you’re aware of WHAT caused men to lose their way in the first place, we can begin to explore the solution.
When a man embodies his masculine, he naturally exudes many high-value triats and actions. Effortlessly.
However, we have distilled these traits down, and categorized them into 3 distinct patterns.
We call these, the “3 Core Ways of Being”.
Move to the next page to discover what they are…